A Day That Begins a New Chapter

Is it just me or do most parents dread putting the kids to bed? In our house, it seems to be a race to be the first to grab Declan and put him to bed. Why? Because with him it is simple: just two minutes of rocking and he is ready to be laid in his crib. Bedtime proves a little more difficult with Maya. First she has to watch a full episode of one of her favorite shows, then she cries because she doesn't want to go to bed, then she lays in the bed whilst planning aloud the following day, then she wants to hear a bedtime story about chocolate. Next it is "Twinkle, Twinkle," and few other songs, a bedtime prayer, and finally "Father I Adore You" in which we must sing about every family member "Maya I adore you". It is a routine that must not be tampered with in any way else we will suffer for it later with some door banging, some yelling for us to "come back" and, well you get the picture. Is it wrong to not want to spend 45 minutes trying to accomplish this routine? Is it wrong to just want to put Declan to sleep and be done with my day of mothering?

This past week has been an interesting one for us. Maya ended up crawling into bed with us a few times during the night - something that has never been done before. One night it was difficult for me to sleep because there was not much room left for me in the bed. When Jeremy got up at 5am to get ready for work, Maya decided that it was time for her to wake-up too. She climbed out of our bed and wanted to join daddy in our bathroom but he happened to lock the door. So she found some change in the top drawer of Jeremy's night table and started sliding quarters under the door to him. GROAN GROAN! I was not a happy camper! I needed my sleep. "Maya, get back into bed!" I grunted as she stood firm on her decision to wait for daddy to come out of the bathroom "No Mommy, I'm awake!" He had been in there a long time and I was getting more and more impatient when suddenly I heard the most beautiful sound. Maya was standing on the other side of our curtain staring out our bedroom window singing "Jesus Loves Me". It was the first time I have ever heard her sing every word of the song. Tears started to roll down my cheek. How could I have been so selfish. How could I ignore the precious heart of a little girl who just wanted to wake-up and spend some time with her daddy?

I know today should not be as emotional as it has been for me, considering it has been planned for so long. But it has been and I am the first to acknowledge it. As most of our close friends and family know, today begins a new chapter in our lives. Not a bad chapter, just a new one. Today is the day when our baby-factory shuts down. When the fertility train comes to a stop. When Jeremy starts shooting blanks. Whether or not it is something the whole world needs to know, I just need to get it off my mind. We have been planning this for months and the day has finally arrived. Jeremy took his first round of medication last night and will continue to recover over the weekend and should be back to work by Monday. Sounds simple doesn't it? Well, a decision like this is never simple. This means no more babies. It means no more swaddling, no more hearing a baby's first heartbeat or first laugh. It means that from this moment on, we will only experience the firsts (and seconds) that await us. The first day of school and that ever fearful first date. These too will be great moments in our children's lives but I will never forget my babies as babies. That fresh powdery smell that only babies seem to have.

Now I can permanently say we are a family of four. A quartet with the sweetest harmonies in the world.


(Taken November 2007 after baby Declan was born)